


I Will Never Be Happy

by donsboy



Category: CSI: NY
Genre: Anger, Angst, M/M, Old hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 20:43:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5641228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donsboy/pseuds/donsboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don tries to make amends, but his efforts fail.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Never Be Happy

Don was sitting on the fire escape having a smoke while waiting for Danny to come home. His mind was a million miles away, thinking about the man he'd run into that day. Jackson Welles had been Don's first love, and someone that he thought of from time to time. Each time he thought about Jackson, he felt a little pang of guilt, and a bit of sadness as well. Don had been Jackson's first lover, and Don had to admit that he did care for the guy, but things hadn't worked out. Mainly because Danny had come along, and Don had been unable to resist Danny's charms.

The parting had been rougher on Jackson than it had been Don. Don remembered how the light seemed to go out of Jackson's eyes when Don told him about Danny, but he couldn't be bothered because he had Danny. They said good bye on a cold, windy day in March, and Don remembered looking up toward Jackson's window to see him standing there crying his eyes out. Don was late getting Danny so he made tracks and left to go pick him up.

The following month was pure hell for Jackson. He kept torturing himself, wondering what he'd done wrong, or was it something he said. He didn't have a clue,and Don sure didn't give him any information. Jackson decided that he might never know, so he tried to put it out of his mind, and threw himself completely into running Groovy Gold. At least he knew that the shop wouldn't let him down.

While Jackson was trying to get on with his life, Don was having a ball with Danny, or so he thought. Things were great between the two, but there was something that kept nagging at Don. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, and really didn't know what it was. He just knew it was there. It kept bothering him until one day he and Danny were at the park, taking in all the fall colors on the trees. Don happened to look around, and saw Jackson. He was talking to a man, and it didn't look like the conversation was going well. Jackson suddenly turned and walked away. Don felt the urge to go after Jackson to see if he was okay, but he knew it wasn't his business. That didn't keep him from wanting to see if Jackson was okay anyway. Don kept wondering why he was so concerned about Jackson. It made no sense because they'd had no contact since that March day when he'd broken the little guys heart and walked away. Anyway, he supposed it didn't matter because he had Danny, and that made him happier than anything in the whole world. He and Danny finished their day at the park and headed home for a bite to eat, and to watch a movie.....

 

The nagging feeling Don had got worse as time went on, and it all centered around Jackson. He didn't mention how he felt to Danny because he didn't want to give him a reason to worry. He decided to bite the bullet and try to make contact with Jackson. One afternoon while Danny was working, Don went to Jackson's shop. Since it was a Sunday, Don figured business would be slow and he could speak to Jackson. When he arrived, there was no one in the shop, yet he could see Jackson in his office. He called out, and he could hear Jackson's muffled voice in reply. When Jackson came out of the office, Don was afraid he'd made a mistake in coming to see Jackson because Jackson honestly didn't look too happy to see his former flame.....

“What can I do for you, Don?”

“I just thought I'd drop in to see how you were.....”

“I'm fine....”

“You're looking well.....”

“Let's cut the shit, Don. What are you really doing here?”

“I've had something on my mind for a while now, and I needed to talk to you about it.....”

“What is it?”

“Jackson, I know you really don't want to deal with me, and I can hardly blame you, but there's something you need to know.....”

“I'm waiting, Don....”

“Even though I have a great relationship with Danny, I can never be truly happy unless you're happy too.....”

“What do you mean?”

“It's like this..... my happiness won't be complete unless I know you've found someone you can be happy with....”

“Then it looks like your happiness may not be complete....”

“Why do you say that?”

“You were my first real relationship, and it ended badly for me. I don't see myself putting my heart on the line only to have it broken again, and I sure as hell won't be just someone to mark time with until something better comes along.”

“But, Jackson,.....

“Save it, Don! You never really cared for me, and we both know it. You just marked time with me until Danny was free. Once that happened, you took off like a shot. The one thing I wonder about is how you can do that to another human being and live with yourself. You came here to ease your conscience about leaving me the way you did, but I'm afraid you won't get what you wanted. In fact, I think you need to leave......”

“Jackson, I just.....”

“You need to leave, Don. I won't tell you again.....”

Don turned and headed for the front door of the shop. When he opened it, he turned and looked at Jackson, who was standing at the counter, crying softly. As he walked down the sidewalk, he knew Jackson was right. Everything he said was true and there was no changing that. He caught the subway and headed back to his perfect life.

 

THE END


End file.
